So I damaged this Trash Painting I made a couple weeks ago while hauling equipment to sell my cookies on the street.
Either way, I think the rip in the canvas gives the painting more personality and boy oh boy do I love anything with personality. So the value has just skyrocketed through the roof! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
This is your chance to own a "personally destroyed by Esmarelda" one-of-a-kind trash painting for the low, low price of $88,000.
What a bargain!
But wait - there's more! If you include a funny but semi-sort-of romantic limerick or poem along with your payment, I will lower the price to a whopping $666,666!
Who can argue with that????
Just send your inquiries to
along with a (current*) face pic,
list of favorite foods,
top five favorite Spice Girls songs,
and details on your current sitch.
Single? Married? She getting on your nerves?
We at esmareldaknows.com want to know!
Act now, as this offer will only be available until December 17th. That's right, this one-time-only offer to own an ORIGINAL, DAMAGED, GARBAGE PAINTING personally ruined by Esmarelda VillaLobos' delicious cookies is going fast.
So don't just sit there in your fortress of solitude mulling it over - act** now!
*Current as in within the last 24 hours. Need to see how well you're taking care of yourself these days, ya know?
**Bad actors need not apply.
Hey you! ...check out this protest.